Finishing what I start

Right now, I have almost 20 projects in various stages of completion.  In each case I have created the basic underpinning of something about which I am incredibly passionate, set up a system by which I can reach completion...

And then just stopped working on the damn thing.

Usually, it's because I dream up some new idea, and realize the superiority of that one to the original one.  Sometimes, it's because I dream bigger than my limited brain capacity can match and find myself unable to actually do any of the things that seemed so easy in my brain when I was concocting them.  In all cases, though, I am truly disappointed about my seeming inability to make anything come of what I really believe are amazing ideas.

I also think that my failure to pursue any of these things to fruition is harming me psychologically.  My mind is like the storage room of a compulsive hoarder.  I have reams of paper stacked to the ceiling, tottering towers of half-empty files threatening to collapse at any moment and obstruct my already narrow path.  My brain is a fire-hazard.

I expect marshals to show up any day now and shut the thing down for my own safety.

I need to clean it out, but to do that I have to actually start FINISHING FUCKING PROJECTS, and short of complete mental reprogramming, I'm not sure how to do that.  I've never been good at finishing things.

I remember times in the Army during PT tests.  I would be coming up on the end of the 2-mile run; I'd actually be able to SEE the finish line.  I wouldn't be hurting that badly. I wouldn't be out of breath.  I wouldn't be in anyway unable to finish out the run.  Even so, it was always the worst part of the PT test to me, because it would take every ounce of heart I could muster not to stop in my tracks.

I have no idea why I am this way.  I had hoped the Army would help me fix it.

I think it made me worse.