Drinking and Addiction

I'm pretty sure it's time to quit drinking.

I've said it before, and I've meant it.  I've even succeeded, at least insofar as I understand "quitting".  Truth is, I've never actually decided that I'd stop drinking entirely.  What I've always meant is that I'd cut back.  I'd still have a 6-pack about two nights a week, but I wouldn't drink to excess during the period I had ordained.  The point was always an introspective one; I'd go for a trial run without getting smashed, and see during that period whether or not I missed the feeling.

My logic was sound, so I thought.  If I didn't crave the feeling of intoxication, then I wasn't in any danger.  I'd choose a night to end my self-imposed limitation, and I'd slide back into getting tipsy 3 or 4 times a week.  I rarely get sick, black out, or truly misbehave, so I figured that my habitual indulgence in beer couldn't honestly be construed as problematic.

I noticed something last weekend, though.

I'm having a harder and harder time spotting my limits.  Even as recently as a few months ago, I could see myself coming up on the danger zone and reign myself in before I passed those markers.  It was always a point of pride for me, since I have so many alcoholics in my family.

I'd never fall to that beast.  I have self-control.  I have discipline.

I think I had all of that too.  But there's been this slow build lately.  As my tolerance has ticked up, so too has my consumption.  I used to drink a beer or two when I was in the mood.  Now, if there's a six-pack in the house, I will drink ALL of it.  If it's a 12 pack instead?

Yeah.  I'll drink all of that too.

It isn't because I want to be drunk, either.  I just like the taste of beer.  I just don't want to stop when I have started.

Man, that even sounds like alcoholism to me.

Anyhow, for 14 days, I am completely abstaining from alcohol.  After that, I'll decide whether or not the abstinence becomes permanent.